Absence

Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
Big has been visiting his parents out of state and I have been spending a lot of time fantasizing about what I want to do with him upon his return.
But it's not just that he's been gone for a week. His "absence" has been ongoing for months.
He is back in school and I teach school, so the end of the year had both of us in complete madness. Instead of leaning on each other, we both spun in opposite directions and the months got away from us--before I knew it, it was graduation and Memorial Day and he was gone to Arizona, just like that.
At first I was upset--we were supposed to go away together (I thought). And here he was testing me that he'd just flown over Palm Springs--OUR Palm Springs. Without me.
But as the days went on, I realized that I wasn't upset that he'd gone away from me physically, it was that we'd been apart for months. I wasn't mad at him--I wanted him back in my life. I realized that I wanted to reconnect. He and I have to make a conscious effort to keep in each other's lives or else the days go by and before ewe know it, it'll be next summer.
So in one day, I shall see my Big again and tell him all of this. Well, maybe I'll just throw my arms around him and see where that takes us...

Chasing Pavements

As I watch Adele singing live on TV, I simultaneously read an article in Marie Claire titled "Single Girl Revolution." According to the article, we are living through the invention of independent female adulthood.
Hmmm.
"Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements." Even if it leads nowhere? I say no. Not if it leads nowhere.
Apparently, I, along with 17 million other women, are living life sans husband. Navigating this crazy terrain without a partner. And just think, 50 years ago, a woman needed a man's signature to open a bank account. Really?
This is not to say we are alone. Hardly. Supportive network of friends. Check. Family. Love them. Fulfilling career. Sure.
The other day I was having a pity party for myself and the fact that I am not in a serious relationship (there is a guy, but that's for another blog--or ten). Friend says to me, "but if you met someone here, you'd stay and give up your dream of going back to school for your phD." Hmmmm. She went on to say that these aren't me "people." Which is not to say I think I am better than anyone around here. Don't get me wrong, my hometown has a lot of wonderful characteristics, but being single in this town is not common. It's small-town mentality and narrow mindedness at its finest. Getting out will be the best thing I do, and Friend remind me that in the types of cities I am looking at, I will find an equal.
So I think I'll just keep on chasing pavements. Bigger, more crowded ones.
Adele was 19 and full of angst on her first album. 21 and full of even more on her second. I thank her for amazing music and songs to sing along with.
I let it fall, my heart, and as it fell, you rose to claim it.